Words+Music by Alanis Morissette

I am listening to Alanis’ Words+Music. It is perfect.

I feel emotional, happy, sad and mostly not alone.

I’m thinking about how long it’s been since the day I locked myself in my room next to my CD player and determined I would memorize all the songs in her MTV acoustic special CD.

It’s been a lifetime.

Sometimes I am scared that we are moving too fast towards the end, even though this is technically the middle. Not for long.

On this audiobook she talks about how the uses her lyrics to get stuff out of her system. Apparently, it works. That’s when it hit me. This is what I do too. I write things down.

Whatever I am feeling completely overwhelmed… if I write it down, it becomes only words. And words don’t scare me at all. They are actually beautiful.

A couple years ago, my therapist asked me how I coped with the rollercoaster that is my mind. I didn’t have an answer. But this was it. This is how I cope. Using words… plus music.

You never know what you’re gonna learn about yourself every day.

I hope it helps you too.

Smells like childhood

I don’t quite understand how my brain works. The way a smell triggers a memory or the way there’s a certain song that will always make me cry as if something terrible had happened.

There’s one thing though that I know it’s very planted in my brain and even though I don’t get the mechanism, I like the way it feels.

Opening a brand new box of colored pencils makes me instantly happy.

I feel in kindergarten. I feel safe, and happy and just filled with possibilities.

Since I am an adult, now, apparently, I make sure *almost* every time I go to dollarama I came back with a brand new box of colored pencils. I have different brands, water colors, pastel, you name it. And it never gets old. Every time I open one… there is the feeling.

So, today, I wasn’t feeling my best. It’s a weird time for all of us. Therefore I decided to sit down with my kids and sort our used pencils in mason jars. It was late at night and the house was quiet. It was just us and the colors.

I wonder if it also made them happy.